Lessons From The Storm

Kirk Franklin’s aptly worded intro says it all, “The myth is that storms have to do with punishment; that they are God’s response to sin or his disappointment in us as His children…”

Over the past three days, every news reporter with access to a green screen and storm tracker has unnecessarily set the teeth of the sturdy Eastern Seaboard on edge by declaring a virtual weather Armageddon in the form of Hurricane Irene. What’s worse is how many Christians have responded to the numerous doomsday reports with fear and a level of national preparedness unheard of since stop, drop, roll.

Like mynahs, we mimick the fears and panic of a lost and dying world, desperately trying to prepare for the worst. A few days ago, an earthquake struck the same stalwart East Coast. There was no warning, no indication. Simply uncontrolled tremors rocking even to the very heart of New York City. If the Richter had registered just 1 or 2 points above the 5.8 rating, millions of lives would have been lost in just a few seconds. How’s that for being prepared?

The saying goes “Prepare for the worst…” but that sounds contrary to the teachings of Christ who says “Ask and it shall be…” So you stocked up on water, so that you can live survive underground like a mole for 20 years?

So we’ve taught ourselves, or been trained, to prepare for the worst and as Christians we have done just that in every aspect of our lives. We expect the worst job, the worst outcome in all circumstances, we expect trouble and disappointment at every turn. Why hope for an ideal mate? Just marry the first person who shows any interest in you. Why try for a better apartment? You’re probably not going to get approved due to your bad credit anyway. Christians emulate the example of Eeyor more than Jesus and it is sad.

Apparently, the thought of a storm sends the holy terrors up our spines even more than living an unfulfilled life. I don't fear natural storms because they bring cleansing and awareness. Wind and rain force mortals to recognize their awesome unquenchable power to destroy. They force us to slow down and stay put.  They force us to...prepare. But instead of hording supplies that are bound to spoil or run out, why don't you prepare for a better life? Why don't you get ready for the shake up of your life an expect the miraculous instead of the mundane?

By now, you can tell that I didn’t rush to any store to stock up on anything in particular. I figured that if worse comes to worse, I’ll just join a zombie mob and munch on my well prepared former friends.

So the storm is passing over now. Whew. Aren’t you glad you were prepared?

Christians! Just Say No!

The idea of “turning the other cheek” has never been misinterpreted more than in recent times. Christians, desperately trying to become 24 hour do-gooders, have lost the capacity to learn to when and how to say no.

Somewhere in the past 2,000 years since Christ walked among us on the earth, Christians have tried to walk in His footsteps and rightly so, but where in Scripture does Christ teach to take on more tasks than you can possibly do and agree to juggle home, family, and church obligations all at once?

I have observed Christians reluctantly saying yes to all kinds of additional duties and projects because they didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. But should saying no, when one is already overloaded or incapable of completing a favor, even grounds for hurt feelings? Have we become so self- centered that we would rather guilt trip someone because they don’t want to be a 24/7 slave?

I cannot site a specific Scripture where Christ said, “No, I’m not doing that.” But He did take plenty of roundabout journeys and sidetracks before performing certain miracles, like raising Lazarus from the dead and the nobleman’s daughter. Christians need to take such delays more seriously. Jesus did say, “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” I would rather someone tell me flat out that they cannot do something than to end up doing it in a half-hearted, inefficient, or incorrect way.

Living up to God’s holy standard has little to nothing to do with amassing a number of jobs that you don’t have time to do. The Lord constantly stressed the importance of quiet time with Him. After all, He’s the one doing the work, right?

Before you take on too many tasks on even one task that you truly are ill-equipped to handle, ask yourself, Why I am doing this?  To be more like Jesus or out of guilt?

I’ve had several experiences where I’ve had to tell other Christians, “No, I can’t make it..” or “No, I haven’t the time..” only to be met with a baleful glare as if I should become an bobblehead everytime a Christian asks me to do something. I learned years ago about the art of saying no from a business and a biblical standpoint to avoid becoming overwhelmed. Not to mention to preserve my sanity.

I have witnessed other Christians try to strong arm fellow brothers and sisters into accepting church responsibilities and, even more outrageously, duties that someone else was supposed to do, but because Sister so-and-so got overwhelmed (a result of doing too many tasks), she wants someone else to shoulder the burden.

This should not be so.

The usual reason that people accept too many responsibilities has everything to do with outside appearances or a misplaced feeling of guilt. Trying to “be good” instead of seeking God before we take on anything, great or small, is futile and can only lead to resentment, disillusionment, and ultimately meltdown or a breakdown.

Next time you are asked to do something, say, “Let me think about it for a day.” Then pray on it and ask wise counsel from 1-2 objective people.

If you can’t do it, respond to the person immediately saying, “I simply won’t have time because of…” Don’t lie and don’t fudge. Just be direct.

Jesus completed all of His Father’s work in three and a half years with plenty of prayer time, rest stops, and “detours” along the way. Nothing was left undone, half-done, or half-baked that He needed to accomplish. Remember, without Him you can do nothing.

Press to President Obama: Avoid The Appearance of Evil

Pretend to be poor. That is what pundits, so-called reporters, and other political critics suggested the President do this week. All of this is in reaction to the Obama family’s annual vacation to Martha’s Vineyard, balefully described by a newscast on a Christian radio station as “a playground for the rich and famous.” Funny, I know plenty of not so rich and famous people who vacation or visit there routinely, but I digress.

The major reason for this outrageous criticism is to stage some kind of “sympathy” poverty with the 25 million unemployed and underemployed Americans. Symbolically, the President’s actions should mean something, but realistically they don’t.

I refuse to begrudge President Obama a vacation of any kind. And neither do I begrudge the rich their mansions or the famous their photogenic good looks. One man’s treasure does not automatically make me a pauper, nor do I count my role models among politicians and certainly not the critics, many of whom have access to large bank accounts and lavish homes, even while pretending to eschew those things.

I won’t bother naming the specific names of certain columnists and critics because that would mean acknowledging their opinions as important, and they aren’t. It would also be lending credence to what has become a redundant argument.

The First Lady was previously criticized for a “lavish” European vacation by members of Congress no less, whose salaries come from the coffers of American taxpayers, yet many of them own multiple homes on Martha’s Vineyard and other upper class hot spots, while the Obamas are merely renting a place.

The Obamas pretend poverty would be meaningless and even discouraging. The hypocritical rage of the press comes from their own lack of grounding in firm spiritual principles. They prefer the appearance of goodness, rather than goodness itself, fulfilling the prophecy of Paul that men would prefer “the form of godliness, but deny the power thereof.”

What difference does it make it a millionaire wears coutour or ripped jeans? They are still millionaires at the end of the day. It was once illegal in England for a poor man to even wear the same clothes as the rich because it was considered deceitful.

What example or lesson should the average unemployed American take from the President’s vacation? Nothing. I certainly didn’t think anything of it and was appalled that professional reporters would be cheeky enough to use the President's earned vacation time as their whipping boy for these tough economic times.

The idea of the President being “one of us” certainly sounds nice, but after all he is the President and you are not. As I have written in a previous blog, the rich and famous are definitely not like us.  But if an opportunity to spend quality time with the family arises, we might certainly benefit from being a little bit more like them.

W.W.O.D.? (What Will Oprah Do?) 5 Smart Ways Oprah Can Save OWN

Note: The Oprah Winfrey Network is in the middle of a major overhaul after months of slumping ratings. If the execs take my advice, OWN will enjoy the same runaway success and more as its namesake.

It seems The Oprah Show and The Oprah Winfrey Network already have something in common. They both need Oprah-badly.

The highly rated conclusion of The Oprah Show should have segued nicely into an explosive birth for the nascent Oprah Winfrey Network, but after months of hype, this baby is still in labor.

I’ve highlighted some painless solutions that could still make the arrival of OWN and the departure of Oprah a montage made in heaven.

Name An Heir Apparent.  Oprah’s impending departure was an open secret for years. The coveted 4pm(EST) timeslot would finally be available to anyone for the picking. Curiously, not only did the networks fail to produce any truly interesting programming (or any programming at all), Oprah didn’t either. Surely she could have used her influence to suggest a new type of show or at least launch some Oprah hopefuls.  OWN accepted thousands of audition tapes (including mine) for “Your Own Show”, but that idea seems to have now fallen into the same abyss as the 4pm timeslot. Months after the Oprah Show has stopped production, a black hole remains.

Tell Us Why. Numerous promos for OWN ran reminding Oprah Show viewers  to watch the Oprah Winfrey Network, but I don’t recall any specific highlights, unless you count Shania Twain’s show, which seems pointless to watch since she already sat down for a confessional with Oprah. Normally, networks draw traffic by hyping 1 or 2 of their highest rated babies. In the case of OWN, the public was basically bombarded with promises and expectations, but no delivery. The confusing roster of shows was apparently a red flag to many viewers who clearly want to see Oprah and only Oprah, not celebrities capitalizing on their personal tragedies.

Out With The Old… Many of the hosts on OWN are familiar faces and apparently that’s not a good thing. Dr. Phil, Suze Orman, and Dr. Oz, among others, all were scheduled to appear either in re-runs or as part of new programming. With so many potentially great original new programs, it’s unclear why someone would tune to a new network to watch repeats of a show still in production. Exactly how many times a day do we need to hear the sage medical wisdom of Dr. Oz? I believe the execs at OWN finally realized this because as of mid-July, all of the network’s programming is being overhauled.  No offense to Rosie O’Donnell or Sarah, Duchess of York but, uh, haven’t we seen you already?

Not only were too many formers guests/tv hosts being recycled, but all the programs were of the self-help variety. Normally networks diversify their programming to draw a range of viewers, not that it necessarily makes for better tv, but at least viewers know they have the option to watch something slightly more interesting than a 24/7 bombardment of Ph.D’s telling us how to improve ourselves.

Location, Location, Location. Los Angeles. The most exciting city in America west of, well New York City. In a truly brilliant move, OWN changed addresses from the sleepy mid-west to the dynamic PCH coastline. There are only about a million and one ways to capitalize on what is prime television production real estate; a diverse population, stunning locations, buff beach bodies, a plethora of “green” entrepreneurs and dynamic companies, not to mention dozens of beloved out-of work celebrities who probably would jump at the chance to be part of OWN. The city is practically begging for OWN’s cameras to come and find them. And who could do a better job of showing us the heart of L.A. than Oprah?

Show Us The…Oprah! Oprah’s presence or absence is what viewers feel most. At one point, Oprah committed to 70 hours of “on-camera” time for OWN, but compared to the 200+ hours annually that viewers were used to seeing her, it’s obvious that viewers were weaned fast…far too fast. The natural reaction is abandonment on both sides.  Oprah was ready to be an empty nester, but, oops, the kids want to move back in. Currently, a huge viewer contest is in the works (oprah.com/own) with 15 winners to receive all expenses paid trip to Atlanta to meet Oprah. And that’s all anyone ever wanted in the first place.

The End of Summer...School

I'm tired of seeing kids being tortured for no reason.  As I write, my peripheral vision picks up the listless gaze of a teen being grilled on integers by her relentless tutor. This summer, I've never seen more reading programs, college prep programs, honor roll bumper stickers, and learning dvds. All aimed at the purpose of supposedly "preparing" kids and teens for a non-existent future job.

Pushing children to achieve was normally the past time of the suburban mom, but due to the high rate of "failing" schools, particularly in urban areas, now city parents have jumped on the bandwagon of pushing their kids to "compete" with....I'm not exactly sure whom they're supposed to be competing against.

Year round school is the favored option of several of my Facebook friends and others due to the fact that the children can't remember anything when the school year rolls around again. Others note that you have to keep kids "on track", like children are living breathing pint-sized locomotives.

But I still ask, keep on track to where? Or for what? College? CNN recently ran an article discussing the many American families who are opting out of college due to the skyrocketing costs. For minorities, the scenario is even worse due to the crippling debt many incur by being recruited (or targeted, some say) by expensive private colleges. Being an overachiever doesn't automatically translate to financial stability. More than 70% of German teens are apprenticed rather than attending colleges, resulting in a more stable and practical academic and financial future.

I challenge parents who have children enrolled in multiple programs, as to the ultimate purpose of all this achievement. Take a look at the Department of Labor statistics for future job growth. Most industries will be on the downturn for years to come, including many professional careers, so choose cautiously.  Some will argue that children and teens need to be kept occupied to stay out of trouble and focused.  In other words, someone needs to watch our children because we are otherwise preoccupied.

I'm not afraid to simplify an unnecessarily complex issue because isn't that what we learned to do in math class?  A little event called the Recession began a few years ago in response to rather distressing consumer behavior, where many of us borrowed ( in the form of credit cards and loans) in order to keep certain lifestyles afloat. Parents want to live in suburban mcmansions so that their kids could be "safe" and go to "good" schools, even if it meant that both parents had to work full-time and then some on less than satisfying jobs to support a well meaning, but self-defeating rationale. The parents ended up far too exhausted to have much interest or time in their children's academic progress. Irritation and frustration ensued, resulting in divorce....you get the message.

In other words, we keep trying to solve the problem of low academic interest and achievement among modern children by forcing more academic pursuits or busy work, as it was called in my day, down their throats. "Achieve!" We yell. "For what?" The kids yell back. "To get a good....?"  Jobs are gone, mostly for good and most of them weren't that great anyway.  And yet we push our kids ever closer to the edge of an ever shrinking employment line.

When's the last time you asked your child what they actually want to do with their lives? Do you have any idea of what your teens are actually good at? Are they interested in anything? I recently came across a computer software website started by the owner when he was 12. He used paper route money and stayed focused. He never bothered with college and is now a thirtysomething millionaire. Most of the personalities we religiously watch on television never were academically astute either, yet they manage to stay focused enough to be on tv night after night.

There are a wealth of opportunities out there, mostly open to people who know how to think outside the box, a topic rarely discussed in college achievement classes. Most of us have I-phones, a product of a company started by a man who was once ejected from his own company, but has made the business comeback of a lifetime. Ironically, his last name is Jobs.

Summer is supposed to be the time for families to reconnect and be mentally and physically rejuventated after months of unpredictable seasonal changes and hard work. We've turned it into a worthless extension of classroom learning and endless "catching up" for children who were never behind in the first place.

Book Review: "Sweet Summer" - Bittersweet

Rarely has the turning of the years felt as welcoming as in Sweet Summer: Growing Up With and Without My Dad.  Bebe Moore Campbell's poignant memoir about her life from the 1950's through the 1970's, was penned more than a dozen years ago, but holds the same ageless truths, wonders, and questions of many childhoods. But it is Moore's chameleon like talent for capturing and expressing the personalities and emotions-the very hearts and souls- of a kaleidoscope of characters that distinguishes this memoir apart from many others I have read. Reading this book is is like watching Madame Tussaud's wax figures suddenly open their mouths, complain about their appearance, and invite you to coffee.

Moore lingers over her childhood years, breathing life into her younger self as an artist slowly saturates a canvas with color and emotion. Emotion by emotion, Bebe the 7 year old emerges and miraculously grows up right in front of you. She doesn't paper over her thoughts and actions, as some memoirs do, or attempt to interpret her life with a maze of psychological wisdom in some vain attempt to renovate or reinvent herself as heroic from cradle to grave.

As a 7 year old shuttled between her mother in North Philly and her father in Nowherespecial, North Carolina, Moore brilliantly explains the excitement and toil of her annual summer treks using the simple language and reactions of a child. The passing of the years reveals family angst, personal pride, self-doubt and the stresses many children of divorce of required to carry. Puberty brings on the requisite waves of teen anger and disillusionment from not having a "normal" life.

There are no judgments from Moore. Her beloved father is not suddenly memorialized as perfect nor are the numerous personas that pass in and out of her life over a 20 year period.

The purpose of Moore's book was to describe life as her father's pet, even while clinging to false hopes of her parents reconciliation and adopting surrogate fathers through her growing up years, taking the form of male relatives, neighbors, and acquaintances. While some critics have pointed out that Moore is obviously using her life as a comparison for the many Black children growing up without their fathers, Moore advances her point, not through social moralizing, but by explaining when she missed her father most.  Recitals, after school, as a daily balance of fun to her mother's ambitions.

Moore's father, paralyzed for many years before his tragic death, is in many ways, the ideal father. He is there when he is most needed, not wanted. He is the "provider" of an era gone by, ensuring his child has all the necessities: a strong family connection, and a way to contact him at all times.

Moore's memories raised many of my own from the grave of childhood long past. I wondered what I would find myself recalling in my 40's or 50's. What memories or absences will stand out? Who will emerge as the heroes and the villains? How will I be remembered and who will do the remembering? It will be quite impossible for you to read this book without musing over such sobering thoughts yourself.

Reluctantly, the only flaw I discovered in this remarkably human autobiography was the final page, which reads like a self-assessment or the many tests that Moore excelled at as a child. She clearly felt the need to record a "passing" grade. As if to say, "I did it. I made it through life even with only partial access to my father." For the emotional reader, such as I am, it was a clinical ending to an otherwise engaging and honest book.

You will smile, laugh, cry, get angry, wonder why, and hope for the best, just as Moore did for those in her life. You will rush to judgment and then repent. You will blame your parents and then, overwhelmed by remorse, suddenly crave their touch, even when it is beyond all earthly power to get one.

Ms. Moore was laid to rest almost 5 years ago, having succumbed to the inscrutable and relentless great equalizer at the age of 56- long before the literary world was ready to do without her. I purchased this book last year and put it on my bookshelf until now. I knew I would read it at the right time and in a reflective mindset.

I stand at my own crossroads-Ms. Moore has long crossed over into an endless summer. And you, will you dare to cross this threshold at all?

Should Christians Shop at Wal-Mart?

Deal Days
Remember the "Blue Light Special"? This was the joy of every deal conscious Kmart shopper. Kmart is long gone (mostly) and Walmart, home of the fractionally priced specials, reigns as our deal making daddy. Their everyday low prices are so seductive that even Christian households depend heavily on the megachain to stretch our dollars. But is there an ethical conflict that arises from shopping at a conglomerate that has ruined so many other discount stores?

Getting the lowest price and the best deal has always been a concern for the American household. In today's economy, ruined by recession, the mania for cheap prices and cheap items has infiltrated even sensible spenders.  The cheapest item is not always the best quality. Just as the cheapest food is not always best for the body. However, Walmart's savvy pricing strategy has many consumers convinced that they are getting the most for their money by one-stop shopping. Dazzled by deceptively low prices and a plethora of merchandise, consumers have forgotten that more ethically minded companies do exist for good deals.

Walmart has been targeted by watch dog groups on a number of counts: gender discrimination, low pay, poor working conditions, strong arm tactics with distributors, and the list goes on. In the Bible belt, often the only store to shop at within miles is Walmart. Urban areas have more discount store chains, but don't often have the large selection of merchandise. So it would seem that even Christian customers are as easily lured in by the stuff as by the savings.

Conscience Friendly Shopping Solutions
Other stores will often honor competitors advertised pricing. I've discovered that shopping at CVS, Family Dollar, and even mall department stores often saves me money on higher quality beauty products. Wal-mart sells a lot of household items in bulk and larger families may feel compelled to buy 40 rolls of tissue for $9, but there is a method to Walmart's bulk madness;  when a consumer buys more they use more. Buying a large amount of cheap laundry detergent may seem like a bargain, but truthfully buying a higher end concentrated brand is actually best. You use less of the liquid because it's concentrated and can add a detergent booster like baking soda for added cleaning power and freshness. Same goes for fabric softener; buying cheap fabric softener fails to add any softness to the clothes; it is more economical to buy the concentrated name brand- you end up using less and getting a better result.

Don't make any store your "one stop". Clothes should come from clothing stores. Food from food stores.  I refuse to buy candy bars or bottled water from Home Depot. By being over reliant at one store, we cause it to become "king". The malls often have better deals on better quality items. You have buying power-use it.

Now I admit, I do run in to Walmart on occasion for 1 or 2 things. I've learned not to bring a cart into the store and to buy only the bare bones of what I need. I don't see why I should support a megachain that has a sketchy history of respecting employee and human rights.

We live in a country with choices. Particularly for those of us blessed to live in the urban and suburban areas, we have lots of choices. With a little extra planning we can spend the same amount or less on necessary and luxury items without selling ourselves out in the process.

Are Black People ALLOWED to Criticize President Obama (& other Black stars)?

Cornell West is certainly taking a beating. His crime? Criticizing President Obama. Since the election of our fearlessly fair-skinned leader, Black pundits have been uncharacteristically silent on many of the President's proposed bills, vetos, and general conduct. His wife's non-coutour fashion choices have somehow united the usually catty and critical fashion world.

The Obamas certainly are a likable pair, especially in contrast to our last two or three Presidential couples. Their Mid-western friendliness is certainly a welcome change to the pronounced stodginess, coldness, and downright orneriness or his predecessor.

I will contrast a visit to the White House prior to Obama thusly-an armed sentry glaring at tourists who dared to come near the White House barriers (couldn't even get close to the gate at that time).
Post Obama: tons of happy smiling tourists able to take pictures right on the White House gate.

But does this kinder, more accessible president mean his policies are not up for debate-ever?

Not only does President Obama seem to be off limits, but quite a few Black celebrities avoid public censure, despite questionable career and personal choices. Many "Black movies" enjoy the same protected status, even when the stories, casting, acting, and direction are lackadaisical.

As a semi-professional critic, I know the value of being scrutinized and yes, even criticized. Constructive criticism forces one to choose their words carefully, to be ever mindful of the ramifications of hasty decisions, and to constantly strive for the ever elusive goal of perfection. Criticism can be harsh, even emotionally devastating, but isn't that what we sign up for when we choose to live among other people?

Most high achieving people, particularly artistic people, are continually subject to their own internal critic- so public criticism is never as debilitating as their own self-view.

So I say put away the pitch forks, tar, and feathers. Nothing's wrong with mocking the president if he wears mom jeans. If the First Lady enjoys wearing "regular" clothes, the fashionistas have every right to jeer or cheer. If a Black actor delivers a terrible performance, groan and throw popcorn. How else will he know he stinks?

And for heaven's sake, if a well known over-achieving scholar wishes to berate the president for some political gaffe, shouldn't he be allowed?